The Axel Effect
by A.D. Williams
Summary: As an assassin-turned-errand boy, Axel finds himself sent out on what should've been a simple shopping trip. But after spraying an ordinary body spray on himself, he soon sees that it causes dire effects on people. Like...wanting to shag his brains out?
1. Chapter 1

Finally, my muse cooperated with me long enough to start another KH story! This is pretty AU, but I've let the Organization members keep their special abilities and such. Also, the characters are out of character, but it's all in the name of comedy, ^_^ Another thing. I'm sure most of you already saw it coming, but there's hints of yaoi here as well. Nothing overly graphic though since this is a comical story first and foremost. There's a total of three chapters only, so it's not a long fic. Well, with all of that said, do enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the KH characters nor the body spray Axe. Suing me is futile, mwahahaha!

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**The Axel Effect**

(part 1)

Axel towel dried his hair as he stepped from the bathroom. As far as he knew, there was nothing on his agenda for the day and so he felt quite light-hearted. Perhaps he'd actually be sociable with the others and see what they were up to in the Grey Room (the castle's common room). He knew Roxas had something to do, so until he got back, he'd enjoy a bit of R&R.

Upon entering the room, there were only four other occupants. Luxord and Zexion were battling it out over a game of poker. Great, one guy that could manipulate time to his bidding, and the other being an illusionist. They were going to be there for hours.

On the other side of the room, Vexen stood off in a corner, mumbling things to himself. Scientists…can't live without 'em, but man, they gave him the creeps!

The last person Axel spotted was Demyx, who was situated on a couch and strumming his instrument/weapon. Of all the people in the room, he was the one he'd feel most comfortable with and thus set out to join him.

"Hey!" Demyx greeted. "The great Axel has graced me with his presence." Axel quirked an eyebrow. 'The great Axel?' Hm…had a nice ring to it…

"You honestly don't have anything to do today?" Demyx said, intruding on the daydreams that Axel had started. Yeah, this was the downside of Demyx. A friendly guy all around, but at times he was just _too _friendly and didn't know when to leave others alone.

"As far as I'm aware of, I don't," Axel said, watching as Zexion shouted at Luxord for again freezing him in the middle of a play to sneak a peak at his cards. Luxord was shouting back that what he saw wasn't really what the man's cards were anyways, that he'd changed them at the last minute. How did those two stand each other?!

"If I were you, I'd act like I had something to do," Demyx advised. "Those two over there just got back from a long mission, so they're off the hook for the moment. And the boss thinks I'm too silly and goofy to be trusted with anything overly major, which hurts, but, eh, whatever. But you…you're the perfect blend of one not only willing to do dirty jobs but can play it off as though you're going to enjoy it as well."

Axel turned to him. "What?! Where the hell did you get this?"

The blonde was about to answer, but the door to the room slid open. Saix glided into the room, the air of one who knows his place in this world is important.

"Arrogant bastard," Axel heard Demyx mutter. "And if I were you, I'd leave the room now," he said.

As though hearing his words, Luxord and Zexion packed up their game and began to leave. Even Vexen snapped out of his musings to head for the door. Demyx was pulling on his black cloak, trying to get him to move faster.

"It has come to my attention that the kitchen is nearly out of food," Saix was saying. "I would like a volunteer to go do the shopping. I would myself but,"--And here he actually had the nerve to chuckle—"I'm far too busy."

"Pfft, shouting out orders isn't being busy!" Demyx snarled. Whoa, when was Dem like this? The other man continued to drag Axel along, hurrying to make their escape.

"And I choose…Axel," Saix finished.

The redhead came to a freezing halt. Okay, scratch any inklings of actually liking this guy he might've had. At the moment, Saix could burn in hell. "Um, me?" Axel asked, pointing to himself and looking around the room innocently.

"Yes, you," Saix said. "You're the only Axel I know of. Actually, no, I knew one back in grade school, but that's beside the point! Here, a list of what we need and just charge everything to the Organization account."

When the hell did they have an Organization bank account?! Axel tried to stifle back a giggle as he imagined Xemnas going into a bank and actually opening one. What did the tellers think?! And Saix doing it for him was no better an image.

"Look, I appreciate you thinking I'm up for the task, but…couldn't someone like Demyx do it?"

"You bitch!!" Demyx screamed at him. Axel mentally shrugged. Eh, every man for themselves.

Saix shook his head. "No, Demyx is needed at Castle Oblivion. Luxord and Zexion just got done with a mission and Vexen…well, Vexen's Vexen."

Axel was trying his hardest to hold back the fireball that he wanted to let loose on the man. Demyx, of _all people _was going to Castle Oblivion?! That little idiot goofball had surpassed him in status? Please let Zexion be playing another illusion trick on him!

But…the order came from the big guy upstairs. Looked like he couldn't refuse. "Fine," he sighed. "But am I getting a car or anything?" He was only half joking, but was shocked when Saix actually said yes.

"Here, take the keys to one of the company's cars," the man said, holding out the key ring. "That's the one for the Lexus."

Oh, a Lexus now was it! But…why did even the car have an X in its name? Now wasn't the time to ponder such things. Axel read over the shopping list as he took the elevator down to the basement garage. The moment the doors slid open, it wasn't hard to find the one that he was to drive.

The vehicle was a model that had only very recently been released. The sleek, silver car looked more like it was built for racing rather than grocery shopping. Well, if he was going to be doing something so degrading as this, he might as well do it in style.

The knowledge of how to drive came from a past life, one he couldn't really remember, but still made its presence known by giving him intuition on things that he never recalled studying in the first place. He revved the powerful engine. Listen to those horses run! He was somewhat happy Demyx had been sent to boring Castle Oblivion instead of him. Sure, the place was supposed to be only for the most trustworthy and powerful members but…heh, they didn't have a shiny new toy like this to play with!

It could go without saying that Axel broke nearly every traffic law has he zoomed down the street, caught up in the euphoria of speed. The speed of the car, not the drug! The vehicle even had a police radar in it, so he knew when he should hit the brakes and when the coast was clear to weave in and out of traffic as the machine allowed him to do effortlessly.

By the time he pulled up at the store, he was reluctant to get out. He'd become attached to it, reclining the seat to his preference, opening up the sun roof, blaring some rock song in a language even he didn't know…yeah, having to leave it even for a moment was going to be painful. Well, all the more reason to get this shopping done quickly.

The butterfly doors of the car made it to where at least one empty space on the driver's side was needed. As the door went up to allow him to get out, a small crowd of people stopped to see who the big shot was. Axel never was one to really gain a lot of attention (seeing as how he preferred to stay out of the spot light), but this was one occasion where he was proud of the staring. As cool as he could be, he stepped out, going over the area with eyes hidden behind expensive sunglasses. Xemnas's? Heh, his now!

Still trying to act like he was important, he pulled them off, listening to the "ooh's" and "aah's" as he revealed his green eyes with the unusual markings under them. Oh, wait. He was still in his Organization outfit. Well, that wouldn't do. With absolutely no shame, he unzipped it right in front of the crowd, showing off his muscles with a tight black shirt and black jeans. Was that a squeal he'd just heard? No matter. He threw the cloak into the back of the car and stepped away from it. As he walked away, he coolly held the keychain over his shoulder to press a button that would make the doors close and set the car alarm.

Alright, cool entrance, check. Now was the part he was dreading. The actual shopping. There were too many items on the list to just grab a basket and that would lower the cool factor he'd already set. So would a cart. In short, cool, famous people just didn't go grocery shopping! His confidence bubble popped. Like a normal, modest person, he grabbed a cart and pushed it further inside the store.

"Shopping sucks," he grumbled. "And quite frankly, so does Saix."

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	2. Chapter 2

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**The Axel Effect **

(part 2)

The world of large stores was a new one for Axel. Where did it start? Where did it end? And what the hell was the name of the store he had gone in to begin with?!

Yes, he had actually managed to enter the store without once looking to see which one it was. Quite the feat.

Well, in front of him was a large inventory of clothes. That couldn't have been all the store sold, since on his right he saw what looked like…bikes in the distance. On his left…ah, a deli! So there was food here! He headed in that direction, figuring there had to be more things that were on the list in that area.

As he passed by the deli, he noticed that instead of normal humans working at the counter, small white teddy-bear looking creatures were there. Moogles?! Why the hell…never mind. Axel figured it was best he didn't ask.

The shopping expedition went well for the most part. He wasn't sure if it was because of his looks or what, but a few people stopped to stare at him as he compared 2% milk to skim milk. What was the difference anyways? He grabbed the skim milk. That way Larxene wouldn't yell at him about trying to fatten her up or something. He'd later regret his decision since _no one _in the Organization drank skim milk.

An hour later and he successfully crossed the last item off the list. He'd done it! He'd braved the treacherous depths of the grocery store! He'd conquered the intricate design of quality and quantity when it came to store brand and name brand merchandise! He'd—oooh. What's this?

As he waited in the check-out line for his turn, he looked over one of the small shelves. Most of them were stocked with candy or magazines, but on this particular one, he happened to notice a stray can of what looked like paint. Ah, to graffiti Saix's room. Now that would be a riot!

But no, the bright slash of color on the otherwise black can was not advertising paint. It turned out to be cologne. Hm. It was nothing fancy-shmancy, he could see that. What did it smell like? He risked a quick spray on his wrist and instead was nearly blown away by the power of it. Not just the force (he'd only meant a quick spray!) but the smell too. It wasn't bad, but one would have to be careful of how much they put on lest they suffocate their self.

He figured he'd take the can anyways. Try something new. With nonchalant ease, he tossed the can into the cart.

As he waited, he decided he might look over one of the magazines. Half of them screamed the newest scandal or affair in the celebrity world. 99.9% of it wasn't true, which made him wonder what idiot still bought these things, thus continuing the company's output of such garbage?

It was somewhere in the middle of reading about someone's newest liposuction surgery that he noticed the eyes on him. He glanced up to see that the woman in front of him in the line had stopped putting her items from her cart onto the conveyor belt. The woman that was supposed to be ringing and bagging the items had also stopped.

Behind him, a third lady paused from reading her own magazine to look up at him. Was there something on his face? His first course of action was to subtly brush a hand against his cheeks. He felt nothing, but immediately, a collective intake of breath was heard around him. Each woman had gasped at the same time.

_Okay…this looks like some Twilight Zone type stuff…_he thought. He wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. Turning to the clerk, he smiled nicely at her so that she wouldn't see the strain and tension he was feeling. Her eyes locked on his and that's when he realized that this wasn't an ordinary stare. They looked at him as though they were starving animals and had come across a feast. And he was the main course.

Axel gave an audible gulp. Okay…there was a rational way around this. He'd just politely move his cart over to another line. "Wow, I see you have quite a bit of stuff there," he chuckled to the woman in front of him. She said nothing, keeping her eyes directly on his. "Um…please don't take this as me being rude, but I think I'm going to move over to another line. The lady behind me doesn't have as much as I do, so I don't want to hold her up unnecessarily."

Still, silence.

"Er, right then…well, um, nice talking to you and…stuff." He slowly backed his cart around the woman behind him. All three women kept their eyes focused on him as he walked away, trying to find another aisle that wasn't as full.

Near the end of the rows he finally saw one. There was only one person in front of him, a guy at that. And even the cashier was male. No creepy ladies to stare at him at least. He patiently waited for the man to finish placing his stuff on the counter, then quickly piled his things on.

There was a bit of a distance between the piles so that it was obvious whose stuff was whose, but the man still seemed annoyed at him for the action. Had he done something wrong? Axel gave his trademark laugh and scratched the back of his head. Ah, a divider. He picked up the long plastic bar from the side of the counter and put it between the piles. There, that solved it, right? He went to smile at the guy to tell him in body language that he was trying to right his wrong, but the man only gave an indignant huff and turned away from him.

Well then! You can't please everyone. Once all the things from the other person's cart were paid for, he stormed off, casting a few nasty glances at him as he went. Fine, two could play that game. Axel coldly returned the stare. But this guy was braver than he thought! Most would flinch away when he gave them such a look. This guy had some nerve to not only continue to glare at him, but to intensify it at that!

Shamefully, Axel found himself backing down like a puppy, head bowing and his eyes lowering. What the hell?! This wasn't his normal self at all! But…those eyes! They reeked of loathing! Like if he could, he'd come back and try to kill him or something!

No, this wasn't his day. He watched as the cashier started ringing up his items. The man brutally grabbed his loaf of bread and swiped it across the red laser that read the bar code on the products. Whoa…what had he done to this guy?! Furthermore, what had the bread done? It was an innocent bystander in all of this. Whatever 'this' was.

"Er, sir?" Axel said. The man immediately fixed him with a look that should've killed him. It was an amazement he was still able to speak. "I believe you're being a bit harsh with my things. I'll let go the fact that my bread slices now resemble dinner rolls instead, but could you be more careful with the rest of the things? Thanks."

He shouldn't have opened his mouth. The man gave a furious grunt, then forcefully snatched anything his hands could carry and swiped them so fast, his hands were a blur. Without paying attention to what was what, he dumped in as much as each bag could hold before moving on to the next one. Before the guy could ruin his eggs, Axel pulled them away after they'd been rung up. This guy was the epitome of the meaning "having a bad day."

When everything was bagged (more or less), Axel put it all back in his cart and turned to the man to pay. Well…everything was to be charged to the Org's account. He pulled out the custom credit card that each person was given. The picture was of the logo for the group, the one that looked somewhat similar to Demyx's sitar. He swiped the plastic on the card machine, then entered the pin code. It wouldn't surprise him if the guy shouted in his face that it had been declined.

But, ah, at least a tinge of luck was on his side. It went through and Axel carefully tore the long receipt off and shoved it in his pocket. He tried to give a last friendly smile to the man, but it was futile. He glared at him as though wishing he could drop dead on the spot. Fine, whatever.

If Axel knew where his car was, he'd torch his gas tank.

Well, there was nothing he could do to pacify this man. He made haste in pushing his cart outside, pausing for a moment on the sidewalk to remember where he had parked. Ah, right over there! He started for the car, happy to be getting the hell away from there.

But that would've been too simple, right? He started to get more stares as he walked. Okay, what the hell was it this time?! Was it his clothes? The expensive glasses that he'd pushed up on his forehead to keep them out of the way? Maybe he just looked too awesome for them to handle! Whatever it was, every male he passed gave him the same looks the cashier and the man in front of him in the line had given him. The "if I could, I would kill you," look.

Oh, but the women were a different story! Each looked like they'd like nothing more than to pounce him! Any other guy would've been happy to have that sort of appeal but at the current moment, Axel was only hoping they weren't really vampires or something. Wouldn't it go figure?

As he put the bags in the back of the car, the people in the parking lot began to slowly walk in his direction. _Oh, hell no!_ He started snatching the bags up and simply chucking them into the vehicle. He was _not _about to find out what the heck it was that they wanted!

By the time the last bag was in, the crowd was less than twenty feet from him. They didn't even seem human anymore, but moved by some driving force that he couldn't sense. As a way to keep their distance, Axel shoved the cart at them. One woman knocked it out the way, sending it flying some fifteen yards away.

_Oh, fuck that! _

He tried to whip the car door open but it wouldn't budge. Damnit, he didn't unlock the front door! He fumbled with the keys until he'd pressed the right button, then had to take a very reluctant step back as he waited for the door to open for him.

_C'mon, c'mon!! _He mentally willed it to open faster. The crowd was getting closer at an alarming rate. Finally, the door opened enough for him to duck inside and without waiting for the machine to shut on its own, he reached up and forcefully slammed it closed.

Oh, but there was one more issue. The car wouldn't start.

_Of all the flipping times for it to decide to stall, why now?! And what kind of brand new Lexus stutters?! _He turned the key several times, trying to force it to start. Now, if ever, was a time to need Larxene. At least as an electric wielder, she could start the car without even pulling out the wires. If he tried that, he'd explode the whole vehicle.

Oh, they were gaining on him! With a huge prayer and a last twist of the key, the car started. Yes! He slammed it into drive and tore out of the parking lot at breakneck speeds. He'd made it! He was going to live another day! He'd escaped the madness!

Or so he thought.

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	3. Chapter 3

* * *

**The Axel Effect**

(part 3)

Once he'd returned to the castle and brought everything in from the car, he gratefully flopped down a couch. Luxord and Zexion were again back to playing poker (same game from when they'd left ((picking up where they left off when Saix left the room)) and neither had gained any leverage on the other still. Why didn't Luxord just find someone else to play with?

He spotted Demyx in an armchair in a corner, him being antisocial for once. For some reason, Axel felt that he was to blame for it. He went over to the guy and sat down.

"Er…about this morning…" He began.

"No, it's alright," Demyx said, cutting him off. "I wish I'd gone shopping with you instead of going to Castle Oblivion. How the hell do you stand Marluxia?! She—He—It is so annoying!" Demyx launched into an explanation of what had happened during his short stint at the castle, portraying Marluxia's voice as high pitched and whiny.

"In short, I never want to go back there. I'll take shopping duty any day," he finished.

"Yeah, you say that," Axel said. "But I had the weirdest thing happen while I was there! Everyone I saw wanted to attack me! The guys looked like they wanted to beat the snot out of me and the women…um, Demyx? Are you okay?"

Demyx had set aside his sitar and seemed to be listening rapturously to his story. But…he was leaning a bit close and was sniffing him. His morning bath hadn't worn off that quickly, had it? No, no…well, maybe he was trying to smell the cologne too. Axel reached into the one bag he'd brought into the room with him and showed it to him.

"What you smell might be this," Axel said and held it up. Demyx quietly took the can, looking over it. Then he smelled the can. Something in his eyes changed and his pupils grew wider, dilated. Before Axel could do anything, he jumped on him, pushing him back in the armchair.

"Uh, hey, if you wanted a hug, that's all you had to say," Axel tried to joke. Demyx wasn't joking. The others in the room turned to look at them. _Help me!!! _Axel silently screamed. The others gathered around, but none looked like they were coming to assist him.

"Dem, you don't want to do this!" He tried to reason. "You're not yourself! Besides, aren't you already with someone?"

"No," Demyx said gruffly, ripping the sunglasses from his hair and throwing them so hard against a wall, they smashed. Against his will, Axel began to tremble. What the hell was it that caused these people to have such brute strength?!

"Hey, look, how about I just give you some pictures of me, eh? I used to do a bit of modeling, you can have my entire portfolio if you'd like!" _Just please don't rape me! To think, Demyx of all people! _

"I'll pass," Demyx said, trailing a finger down his face. Axel's heart stopped. If push came to shove, would he have to melt Demyx's face off? He clenched a fist, feeling the fire built up in it. Every man for their self, he'd said earlier. Well, now was the time to enact on that.

But before Demyx could release one of the buttons on his shirt that he'd been playing with, a ferocious growl was heard across the room. Axel tried to turn to see who it was, but they had moved. Again using unnatural speeds, the object bounded over to them.

Demyx was shoved off of him and smashed against the back glass wall. At least it was reinforced or else he would've shattered it and fallen from a height of about eight stories high.

With the man off of him, Axel could focus on his savior. Now, who was he to thank…Roxas!

"Hey lil' buddy," he greeted him. But Roxas wasn't listening. He grabbed his arm and pulled him off the chair, dragging him along multiple corridors until they reached what seemed a random room. Roxas shoved him in, did a quick glance around to make sure they hadn't been followed, then closed and locked the door behind them.

Axel was happy for the rescue only for a moment. His eyes took in the room with disbelief. He'd dragged him to his bedroom! No, not Roxas too!! The one person he could always count on!

"Sit," Roxas said, kicking out a chair from his desk. He himself sat on the bed at the headboard. He grabbed a pillow and put half his face in it. Without questioning his authority, Axel sat.

"Axel, what is it that you are wearing?" Roxas asked him in a muffled voice.

"Um…let's see, this black collared shirt…jeans…I forget what brand they are—"

"No, I mean outside of that. What soap, after shave, things like that."

"Heh, aftershave? How old do you think I am?! Anyways, I don't use anything too pricey I guess. Um…what does that have to do with anything?"

Roxas narrowed his eyes at him. "Whatever you have on you is the cause of the attacks."

"Well, besides the clothes, I didn't put on anything that I normally don't wear."

The boy actually snorted. "Pfft, you keep saying that! But you seem to have everyone you come across either wanting to bang your brains out or bash your brains out."

_Eewww…Roxas! Watch the terminology! _"Uh-huh…right." Axel pondered the question some more. "Well…I did accidently spray myself with a bit too much of this stuff here." He tossed the can to Roxas. He only looked at it, then chucked it across the room.

"I think we've found our problem then," he told his friend. "You have triggered…the Axe Effect."

Axel's face twitched. His mouth quirked up and before he could hold it back, he was doubled over with laughter. "Oh man, you've gotta be kidding me! The Axe Effect?! Like the commercials?! Ha! You know, I thought it was kinda funny to wear Axe since my name is Axel, but this is just too much!"

"I'm serious!" Roxas shouted. "Explain all the women that want to jump you and the guys that want to beat the living daylights out of you."

Axel sobered up a bit. "Alright, oh wise one, let's just say that that is the issue. What about Demyx? And I don't remember any other guys being in those commercials besides the one being attacked."

Roxas shoved his face in the pillow even further. Whether he was trying to not smell him or was about to say something embarrassing, Axel couldn't tell. "The effect works on a person however their orientation is. If they're not into the one that's wearing the spray, then they want to kill them for taking potential, er, suitors away from them. That's why most men were glaring at you. As for Demyx, well…in short, I don't think he's into girls."

This time when Axel's face twitched, it was out of agitation. This was some serious TMI but unfortunately it needed to be said to explain some things. Then an idea came to him. How many of the people in the Organization were in the closet? He snickered at the idea of finding out.

"Look, the solution to this is simple," Roxas said. "Just take another shower."

Axel's shoulders fell. "What? That's it? No cool potion to take, no spells, nothing? Just take a regular, everyday shower?!"

"Well, yeah. I mean, they're reacting to the cologne so just wash it off. Nothing to it."

Axel scoffed. "Well that just sucks! I thought I'd gained the power to control people or something! And here all along it was just the stupid spray! I want my money back!"

Grudgingly, Axel took another shower, which indeed did stop all the pandemonium from happening (at least the other Org members hadn't gotten a chance to attack him too, for whatever reasons they might've had). Demyx didn't remember anything that had happened after he woke back up from his concussion and neither did the other members in the room. Or maybe they were trying to put it behind them. Nice choice.

But Axel kept that can of Axe. Sure, wearing it would mean being tackled like a ragdoll by everyone he crossed paths with but once washed off, it erased memories of what happened in that time frame. Now that was a powerful weapon!

So who would be his first target? Decisions, decisions…

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Hope you guys liked it, ^_^


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